Hide and seek ϟ ft. Raeryan [flashback]

My plan was an absolute success. It was not my first time in prison here in Ered Luin, but usually I did not stay there for long. My father was always ready to come and pay for my freedom, so in a day I was running freely in the streets of the mountain again, a smug smirk on my face.
My beloved father would not talk to me in days, but I still had my mother to come home to. She did not approve of my actions but she kept quiet about it ; she simply healed my bruises with her kindness, and my occasional sadness with her smiles.
But father was dead now, and so was mother. Only Dori remained, and my toddler of a little brother. Dori and I were not on good terms since his return and my long absence, so I did not ask for him to rescue me. I did not want him to, and he surely thought prison was were I needed to be anyway.

So I just hid some hair pins in my long and fluffy ginger braid, as I always did. The guards took their pleasure in hitting me but never knew I would not be there the day after. When I was back in my cell, I just had to wait for the guard to fall asleep before I could discreetly pick the lock. In less than five minutes, I was out of jail and happily jumping on roofs.

One problem remained, though. Where was I supposed to go now? The guards would soon be looking for me all over the mountain, and I was certainly not going back to my brothers' house. I did not know how Dori would react, but I wasn't sure I really wanted to know. I didn't trust him enough yet, and was certain he would be capable of handing me back to these idiotics guards.
I stopped on the roof of a tavern and thought for a moment before the face of an old friend came to my mind. Raeryan. I could trust her, I knew it. She had always been there for me, even in the darkest of my hours. There was not a doubt in my mind, it was the place to go. So I started running, ignoring the pain in my bruised ribs. Damn those guards.

When I arrived near the healer's house, I considered my options. The front door, or the windows? I looked around me. The neighbourhood was peaceful, I had some time before the guards started looking for me. There was light coming from her windows, so she was certainly still up. I bit my lip, imagining Raeryan's reaction if I happened to jump through one of her windows. Not really a good option. The door it was, then, and I knocked.

When she came to open the door, I offered her an apologetic smile.

« Heeeeey, hi! Sorry to bother you so late in the night, but... can I come in? »

She seemed really pleased to see me, ant I have to confess that it was a relief. I honestly dind't want to annoy her, but I guess that coming with such a request... there was a good chance I would, anyway. But as of right now, she just seemed happy, and I have to say I was too. I always like Raeryan quite a lot, I was quite fond of her. She was the one to fix me up every time without batting an eye, without asking too many questions. She did not know what I was doing, or at least I hoped so. I did not want her to know, for I was certain she would not like me as much as she did before. Most of the time I simply told her I had problems with some bad guys, pretending I was more of a victim than a willing troublemaker who sometimes got his ass kicked quite spectacularly. Per chance I was not a thief good enough to have my head placated on every streets yet, but if I really wanted to become the best thief, the day would come. And I wasn't sure Raeryan would still call me a friend on that day. I liked to think she would not judge me, like mother did, but I could not ask that of her. If she pushed me away, well... she wouldn't be the first, nor the last.

For now though, her door was open to me and she welcomed me inside. I entered the house, trying to hide my nervousness behind a smug smile and an assured step. But when I heard the sound of the door banging – literally – I sensed that I had failed. I turned over, and was met with a glare only female dwarves had the secret to give. That kind of glare that told you there was no way out, that you were fucked and should be running for your life. Mother had that glare, too.
I blinked, a bit confused, then got a grip of myself. What was going on? Easy one, really, I just had to change things a bit.

« Ah... Again, sorry Raeryan but I'm... I'm a bit embarrassed... »

I scratched the back of my neck to show how embarrassed I was.

« I had a fight with Dori, and... I didn't know were to go, y'know... I was wondering if maybe I could stay with you, if you were okay. »

That wasn't a complete lie, actually. If I had dared to show up on my brother's doorstep, I would have faced a wrath like no other. I gave her another apologetic smile. I really was sorry, I did not want to bother her with my... petty problems. Such a s a bunch of angry guards running after me.

« If you're not okay, I'll understand, » I assured her, still quite uneasy facing her all-knowing glare.

She « saw ». Yes, that's what I was worried about, to be honest. She did not say much more and simply squinted her eyes before she went to lock the door. Okay. Locking the door, good move, great idea. Still, I was not stupid. Well, I was, actually, but I knew that she was not convinced by my story. She did not comment, though, and invited me to share her dinner, offer that I could not turn down. I followed her into the kitchen and sat at the table where she set the dishes. A pleasant smell of meat and vegetables filled the room and as I watched her stuffing my plate with food, I felt my stomach growl slightly. I suddenly realised I hadn't eaten in twenty-four hours and was actually really hungry.

I did not dare meeting her eyes for now, feeling a bit stupid to be lying to her the way I was. But I had to, it's not like I had a choice. She then poured some wine in my glass. « Thank you, » I said again sheepishly, then I took my fork in hand and started to eat slowly. I was so hungry I wanted to eat up the whole plate, but I forced myself to slow down or she would start asking questions again. Why would I be so hungry, after all ? Didn't Dori feed me at all ?

We ate in a strange silence, and I was thankful for the meat, and for the wine. I had not realised how tired I was and the warm food helped soothing my sore muscles. The wine, well, wine always made things seem easier. Eventually, Raeryan broke the silence, asking about the fight and if there was anything she could do about Dori. I finished to swallow the vegetables I had in my mouth, taking my time so I could prepare an answer. I knew I had to talk if i didn't want her to suspect anything else.
« I don't know, really. You could try, but you know how he is... » I sighed, visibly desperate. « He wouldn't listen. » I stabbed a piece of meat with my fork. I was maybe lying, but this wasn't entirely made up. Dori and I didn't get along, and it seemed that it would never change. « I have my faults, too, I know. I just can't forgive him for abandoning us like that. He did what he thought was right at the time, but he was stupid. »

I stared at my food as if it had personnally offensed me, as if it was this bean's fault that my family was so messed-up. « He always yells at me, tells me I'm useless. And I yell at him because I don't want to listen to his lessons. He's not my father. I don't care what he says to me. » Now I was really angry. I always get angry when I think about Dori and how unfair he was to me. I just couldn't forgive him, and he would not accept me for who I was. How could we get along, really, that was one big mystery.

She was right, I knew that. Dori always listened to her, they were close friends after all. But I still doubted that she could change anything between me and my brother, simply because Dori and I were too stubborn to concede anything to each other. She could still give it a try – I knew she had already, and that she would try again. She cared deeply about us, just as much as we cared about her. She was like family to me. Like another mother. But I still lied to her. She was smiling at me, the soft and soothing smile of a mother full of love and concern. And I was lying to her. I was lying as the guards were searching for me, I was lying as she was offering me supper and a bed to sleep in. She was offering me her opinion, advising me, taking part, and I was lying to her face. Not being honest is not a problem to me, but with her... it's always been complicated. As it was with my mother, with my father. With my brother. The taste of wine in my mouth turned sour, like old vinegar. Suddenly I was not hungry anymore.

She was right. He was not a child anymore. Dori had it tough, too. But it was still his fault. ...trust me when I say that he loves you very much. He doesn't! I almost shouted instinctively, but the words were stuck in my throat. It was a lie, another one, but how could I think differently? How could I when the only place I could turn to when in need was Raeryan's? Wasn't my brother supposed to help me, to protect me? How could he love me when he left me so many years ago, when I needed him the most? This time I could almost feel tears of frustration starting to form in my eyes as Raeryan kept talking in her serious and reassuring tone, and I stared at my plate, not daring to meet her gaze.

She was right again, saying I did not help with my activities. Only they were suspicious to her, not to Dori. Dori knew exactly what I was, from the beginning, and he hated me for that same reason. That was why I kept it to “suspicious activities” with her – even though I was aware she probably knew more than she let on, for my sake. How could she still love me if I told her the truth?

Thus, I lied. I lied to her as I ate her beans. As the guards were looking. As she talked and tried to fix my family, as she made so many points Dori and I were not willing to follow.

When she told me that we should talk to him, I sensed an immediate form of danger. I took my napkin and dried the corner of my mouth, to occupy my hands. « You're right, Rae, maybe we could talk to him, » I said even though I did not think it. « Just... maybe not tonight, eh? I doubt he would be receptive after the fight we - » There was a knock on the door. Then another one, insistant. I froze. Raeryan seemed startled, and I could not hide the look of fear on my face for a few seconds. « Please don't say I'm here, » I pleaded, joining my hands together like in a prayer. She would probably think I was afraid of seeing Dori so soon after our fight. But as soon as she left the room, I hid myself behind the door to listen to what Raeryan and the stranger would be saying. I was ready to flee if necessary, and I was hoping to Mahal that it was not one of the guards looking for me.